Regrets

Life has a way of humbling the most arrogant person.  We all have expectations that we meet, or fail to meet.  I'm not immune to that.  I had dreams growing up that I didn't even make an attempt to pursue.  Decisions made after chasing your dreams can lead to disappointment.  I remember as a child wanting to be a marine biologist.  I'm thirty three now and still can't swim, so that dream was definitely a pipe dream.  I can honestly say that my life is filled with regrets about decisions that I've made.  I can laugh about most of the regrets that I have because they weren't realistic anyway.  I thought I was cold at basketball and use to practice for hours everyday.  I hit more game winning shots than Kobe or Jordan in my backyard.  Reality kicked in and I didn't play basketball past seventh grade.  The truth is that I hate organized basketball.  So I stopped playing, even though I love the game still.  It's sad because I can't tell you the last time I've even played a pickup game.  I don't regret quitting basketball.  I didn't take any sports too serious in high school because I didn't plan on taking them any further.  I wish I had taken my academics further.  I realized when I got to college that I had no idea how to study and it truly hurt my grades.  I graduated in just over four years, but my GPA isn't pretty.  I was tired of school before I even went to college, so I just wanted to get it over with.  That kept me from joining my fraternity right out of school and the thought of going to graduate school was thrown out of the window afterwards.  I wanted to go into psychology and I still think about it from time to time.  I regret not keeping in touch with my people from high school when I left for school.  I've missed out on so much and vice versa.  I'm just now getting back into that space, but it feels awkward because I wasn't around for so many years.  When I went to college, the only person I knew there was my brother and I rarely saw him.  I felt alone and was miserable the entire time I was down there.  Honestly I think that is why I'm a little anti social now.  Some things I wish had turned out different, but I don't regret the decision that was made.  This won't be a platform to air out my dirty laundry.  Some things are better left unsaid and some things are understood.  These are topics that I have never touched on before and there are probably people who don't know these things about me.  But I'm human and I think about how my life would be different if I had made some different decisions.  Now that I have a daughter I'm trying to make sure that she doesn't follow the path that I did.  I want her to pursue every avenue that she wants in her life.  At times, I'm embarrassed by where I'm at in life because I expected more.  But that's life.  At the end of the day, I'm proud of everything that I've accomplished and I look forward to a different type of chase.