The Chase V

I've been talking about the chase for years now.  At different points, I thought it was over, but never really sure.  When I thought it was over, my actions didn't reflect that belief.  I'm getting older now so the chase is not as interesting.  My parents have been married longer than I've been alive.  When I was younger, I wanted that too and  thought that it was a given that it would happen.  Now I'm not so sure.  It's so hard to find someone that you mesh with.  I was always told that you had to work at relationships, but I didn't always put in the work to make them work.  Maybe I just didn't know how.  Or I just let them play themselves out.  It's so difficult to figure out what I really want.  Just when I thought everything was fine, it all fell apart.  It was my fault, but I didn't think it would be.  I want to make everything work.  I want to be married and have a family that I can vacation with.  A family that motivates me to do more than I ever have.  I've honestly never been in a better relationship.  I'm probably as happy as I've been and this is the most time I've ever spent with someone.  There is something to that.  So I think it will work itself out.  I'm going to put in the extra energy to ensure it does.  I opened myself probably more than I ever have.  It was embarrassing, but something that I needed to do.  That was only the beginning of the healing process.  I'm here.  I'm not going anywhere.