Waking Up

Last year, I lost a very close friend.  Sometimes it's hard to understand why these things happen.  Barely a year after seeing her and finding out that she had cancer, she was gone.  It opened my eyes to how short life is.  It also made me realize that there are things that I just won't be able to accomplish in my life no matter how hard I try.  I feel bad knowing that I couldn't make her pain go away.  How can you accept that you're going to die before your 30th birthday?  That's asking too much.  So who do we blame?  It's impossible to be mad at the creator because we have no say in the matter.  Maybe more research can be done on cancer.  Perhaps the doctors could have put more effort into trying to get rid of the cancer.  My emotions ran wild during that period until I realized that she was at peace with it.  What right did I have to be upset if she had accepted it?  I still think about it from time to time.  Her name is still saved in my contacts.  Our prom picture is on the bookshelf in the living room at my parents' house.  I have constant reminders.  Little things can be taken for granted, like walking or having hair.  There are people who can't perform simple tasks from no doing of their own.  Life constantly throws curve balls.  We have to be able to deal with them as they come.  It gets difficult at times.  I'm sure there are people who have dealt with far more issues than I have.  I've been blessed with people around me who care for my well being.  I'm made mistakes and I'm paying for them now.  I'm at the point in my life where I want to give back.  I feel like I have so much more to offer than I have so far in my life.  So where do I start?