Aging

For some reason, I have a much easier time letting my guard down on here.  You see me in real life and I try not to let you know what I'm thinking.  One thing that really bothers me is getting old.  I love my parents to death even though I don't say it.  I think about what's going to happen when they pass away.  It really feels like a nightmare.  I really shouldn't even think about it, but I do, all the time.  I'm almost thirty but I think about myself passing on too.  I want to do so many different things, but I haven't even made a dent in my plans.  I'm not sure if my fear is death or failure.  Maybe they both go hand and hand.  Eventually it will be me who has to run a family and make sure everyone is taken care of.  That's big responsibility for someone who doesn't even know what they want to do with the rest of their life.  The worse part is that there is no way around it.  I'm getting older everyday.  I'm just waiting on that first gray hair to pop up.  When it does I'll know it's all downhill.  Hopefully I won't start balding.  I don't think my head will look right.