Faith

Faith: allegiance to duty or a person, loyalty, belief and trust in God.  All three definitions of my faith are being tested lately.  I will never question whether God exists or even his actions.  My battle with faith has more to do with whether or not me getting on my knees every night would solve some of my problems.  I haven't done that since I was in college.  The odd part is that college is when I stopped going to church.  Since then, I'm not the same as I was.  Adulthood hasn't been what I thought it would.   We all go through that phase.  And that's exactly what that is to me; a phase.  I'll come out of that.  I've only had small roadblocks during my life.  I can only imagine what people that have been through dramatic events feel.  Religion wasn't forced down my throat when I was younger, even though I always went to church.  From that I have my own beliefs and my faith is still strong.  I'm loyal to a fault to my people, but maybe the time has come to fall back from that.  My people are loyal right back to me, but is that detrimental to both sides?  My allegiance to one person in particular has crumbled in the past week.  So I'm going to speak directly this person because I know those eyes will read this.  We go back almost thirteen years.  We always fall out over some dumb... well you know where this is heading.  My allegiance is still to you and it always will be.  You definitely test my faith in friendship among other things.  A trip to Chicago is always just a click away, but it seems like a trip back to Little Rock is always just a figment of my imagination.  Something is not right about that.  I don't know what you're going through but step away from it for a minute.  Nobody has your back more than me.  But I won't be treated like I'm always the one doing something wrong.  I'll walk away from it all.  I don't deserve that and I won't accept it.  You have to restore my faith in you.  Show me that we're better than that.  If we're not then leave it alone, and I'll leave you alone.  Friday is out of the question even if you show me something.  You know I'm talking to you.  I'm off on a tangent.  Let me get back on topic.  Keep the faith.  I'm out.