It's easy to sometimes remember that I should enjoy this time in my life. I'm not even sure that I know how to have fun anymore. It's been so long since I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself. I can't remember anything since going to Las Vegas like ten years ago. Don't get me wrong I still have fun from time to time, but I never have an instance where I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I think the problem is that I don't know how to enjoy myself without any worries. It's impossible because there is always something in the back of my mind, even when I try to go to sleep. I pretty much have permanent bags under my eyes and I rarely have a good night's sleep. Maybe I have insomnia. Anyway, I say all that because something has been on my mind again. I spoke on it a while back and it has reared its head again: that mythical "L" word. No, I'm not there again, but I feel like every time I get comfortable in a situation with someone it blows up in my face. That has happened more than it should. I guess I always let my guard down too soon. It's funny how people always want to see me with someone, but I don't have a match out there. I can't lie like I don't want to be in a relationship, but it seems like my timing is always off. I was just doing my own thing and not looking for anything. That's when I was meeting different women and just having fun, but that gets old fast. I'm still young, but I feel like I'm too old for that and it contradicts what I'm about. That's not me. I didn't see that growing up. Let me stop complaining. Shout out to the latest person to make me feel this way. And no my heart is not broken...the door is ALWAYS open, even when you think it's not.
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